Post by Bella Thorne on Sept 17, 2007 20:21:14 GMT -5
Dear Diary,
I really need to gather my thoughts. Corbin and Gabby are having problems. She slept with another man. The first thought that comes to my head is the heartbreak Corbin must feel. Merlin knows I've felt it, and also at the hands of Gabriella Lestrange. Merlin is also aware that I still want Corbin. I think Corbin knows it too. He knows me better than anyone else, sadly. Better than Narcissa even, I'd wager.
Then I think, poor Gabby. She's got a baby on the way, Corbin is assuming she has mixed feelings. Of course she doesn't. Who could compare to him? Gabby is feeling guilt, regret, helplessness, and terror. I know. Yet again; been there, done that. Maybe she'll have more luck than I. She always did have this crazy hold on him. I think he'd go back to her no matter what. Well, good for her. She'll have managed what I could not.
Also, she doesn't have someone waiting to snatch him away. Yes, it's true, somehow, I don't wish to cause Gabby to feel what I did. Which is odd, because usually I do all in my power to make her miserable. Only those who have felt genuine heartbreak could understand. I don't think anyone deserves to go through it. Except maybe me. I might have brought it on myself. And lastly, no one knows better than I the grudges it creates. The hatred it inspires in someone. When your heart breaks like that, the only thing that can fill the hole is bitterness and hate.
And then I think about me. Of course I want him. I never stopped loving him. It's impossible to do so. Every day I hope for him to come back, though I know it will never happen. But when I'm with him, I feel this pleasing sort of calm. Like everything is right again. Maybe with one more kiss, I can forget him and wash away the pain of ten years. Maybe one touch can help me to get over him. Maybe one last night with him will allow me to move on.
Doubtful.
~Bella.
I really need to gather my thoughts. Corbin and Gabby are having problems. She slept with another man. The first thought that comes to my head is the heartbreak Corbin must feel. Merlin knows I've felt it, and also at the hands of Gabriella Lestrange. Merlin is also aware that I still want Corbin. I think Corbin knows it too. He knows me better than anyone else, sadly. Better than Narcissa even, I'd wager.
Then I think, poor Gabby. She's got a baby on the way, Corbin is assuming she has mixed feelings. Of course she doesn't. Who could compare to him? Gabby is feeling guilt, regret, helplessness, and terror. I know. Yet again; been there, done that. Maybe she'll have more luck than I. She always did have this crazy hold on him. I think he'd go back to her no matter what. Well, good for her. She'll have managed what I could not.
Also, she doesn't have someone waiting to snatch him away. Yes, it's true, somehow, I don't wish to cause Gabby to feel what I did. Which is odd, because usually I do all in my power to make her miserable. Only those who have felt genuine heartbreak could understand. I don't think anyone deserves to go through it. Except maybe me. I might have brought it on myself. And lastly, no one knows better than I the grudges it creates. The hatred it inspires in someone. When your heart breaks like that, the only thing that can fill the hole is bitterness and hate.
And then I think about me. Of course I want him. I never stopped loving him. It's impossible to do so. Every day I hope for him to come back, though I know it will never happen. But when I'm with him, I feel this pleasing sort of calm. Like everything is right again. Maybe with one more kiss, I can forget him and wash away the pain of ten years. Maybe one touch can help me to get over him. Maybe one last night with him will allow me to move on.
Doubtful.
~Bella.
